Friday, December 20, 2013

Endings and Beginnings

What better time than the holidays and the new year to start reevaluating where we are in life and where we are going? I’ve had plenty of time and cause to consider these very important questions lately, as I find myself embarking on a new career and a possible new educational pursuit.

I’ve also been asking myself the age-old question that’s been hotly debated and intensely considered by kindergarteners everywhere: what do I want to be when I grow up? Good question, and I’m still not sure that I’ve ever really answered it. If all my dreams were to come true, I’d want to be a writer, but really to be a writer, all you have to do is write, so I’ve already accomplished that in a sense. I guess what I should really say is that I want to make a living writing.

I’ve been so busy in pursuit of my new career that I’ve barely had time lately to focus on writing, and it wasn’t until I received a kind note today from an old, dear friend that I realized how much my lack of focus on that thing that I loved so much was putting it in danger.

When our lives become busy, we tend to start cutting things out. Going to the gym? Nope, no time. Reading a book by my favorite author? Well, there’s always tomorrow for that. Writing fiction and poetry and updating my beloved blog? First, I have to do laundry, then cook dinner, then dishes, and ironing and….

Before you know it, your life has become nothing more than work, work, work, and though you may feel fulfilled by that work and though you may love it, you aren’t giving time to the things that you really love, the things that fulfill you creatively and keep you passionate and excited. Things like family and reading and writing and kitty cats, and all of the things that make me…well, me.

As I try to nail down the program that I want to pursue for my Masters degree, I know that life is about to take another strange and complicated turn. My evenings and weekends now that are already so busy are only about to become busier, as I balance school, even more responsibilities at work that come with a new promotion, family, and myself. Where does writing fall in this future? I’m not sure, and that scares me.

Earlier today I told a friend that I may have to give up writing my column in order to make time for everything. The thought of giving up this column that has now been a part of my life for over three wonderful years is a sad one for sure, but I don’t know how else to make everything fit, and I don’t even have any kids to put in the mix!

To me, life is all about challenge and change. With every new year, every new season for that matter, we are faced with exciting and sometimes scary new adventures, and with those adventures, we have to make choices. I have some big decisions ahead of me in the next couple of weeks. My thanks to that old, dear friend Emily for helping to make sure that writing isn’t lost along the way. 

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