Fuel

On Friday of last week, a group of my friends and I crammed into our tiny SUV and went to early vote. It's the first time I've ever early voted. It's the first time I've ever gone with a group to vote. The feeling was electric.


We didn't discuss politics in our car ride there or back. We didn't argue or debate. We joked around, laughed. We respected each other and everyone at the polls. For a minute, just a few moments in time, we were all connected by a common purpose.


These days we seem to forget that we are ever connected. We fight over every little thing. We spit and claw. We lash out. We hate.


We're living in a time where our leaders want us to be divided. Divided, we're easier to handle. Divided, we're easier to control. It's a cliché for a reason: united we stand; divided we fall. My call to action for you? Don't let that happen.


Disagree with people. Know that we're all different and so we're all going to have different perspectives and opinions. And it's okay that we disagree with those perspectives and opinions; it's okay to have discourse and discussion and conflict. What's not okay? Hate. Ever. In any way. I don't necessarily prescribe to any certain set of religious or spiritual beliefs, but I'm pretty sure almost all faiths encourage kindness and love over hate...and if they don't, maybe find a new faith.


But gosh, lately, there seems to be a lot of hate. It comes in the form of name-calling, belief- and opinion-shaming, passive aggressive statements made under our breaths and just within earshot, ugly memes and jokes on social media. It honestly reminds me a lot of middle school. And who liked middle school? Aren't we better than middle school, y'all?


I get it. There are a lot of polarizing issues. There are a lot of people challenging beliefs and ways of life on both sides. This isn't easy stuff. But at the end of the day, it's not going to do any of us any good to hate on each other. At some point, and I hope this happens soon, we need to be able to come together, despite our differences, and hear each other. Hear both sides, hear all sides, and then work together on compromises that can benefit the whole and the future.


We can't hand the world over worse than we found it. Today, we're poised at a crossroads where we can make change for the better, where we can make the world better. Let's try to do that, through love and respect, kindness and listening. Because really, what is the alternative?

Shiny Happy Voters Holding Hands!

Reframing

When I was a kid and my parents realized I needed glasses, they took me to the eye doctor, and I picked out the tackiest, most ostentatious frames a twelve year-old had ever dreamed of.  Those glasses were hella ugly, y’all, like blue and yellow and pink zigzags and dots with lenses the size of tea saucers. And I wore those ugly things for the next several years, completely oblivious to my optical faux pas.

High school called for some new frames, and the ones I ended up with weren’t much better than those hideous glasses of my preteen years.

Finally, at 35 years, I’ve reached glasses Nirvana with a pair of black wayfarers that embody my nerdy, vintage style perfectly. 

The point of this long winded trip down memory lane is to talk about the importance of reframing your outlook throughout your life. Just like I found myself new frames for my glasses for different periods of my life, so have I found new frames and perspectives as I have grown and developed as a human.

I read an amazing blog this morning that reminded me how important this reframing process is in life.  The article challenged its readers to reflect on the insecurities of their youth that they now look at as strengths. This process of reframing was so poignant and powerful to me, particularly since I’ve always struggled with overcoming my insecurities. Growing up, I hated many things about myself. My freckles. My sensitivity. My height. Nowadays, having traveled at least partway down the road to self-love, these are some of my favorite things about myself. My freckles are the constellations of my skin, charting the course of a childhood spent in the woods and in the sun. My sensitivity helps me connect with people and forge strong ties built upon empathy and trust. My height makes me feel powerful and beautiful, if not still a little awkward sometimes.

From this reflection on how my view of the insecurities of my youth have changed, it occurs to me that many, many things in life are truly about how we look at them and what lens or frame we look at them through.

We all have different frames we look through and different lens coloring our world. These frames and lens change as we grow, as we have new experiences, as we meet new people. We are lucky to be complex, evolving creatures who can embrace a variety of experiences and perspectives; we are lucky to be able to change, because change is growth.

This recent election and many of my current challenges in my own journey have made me happy that I am a fluid, open-minded creature, who can embrace many perspectives. Because here’s the thing. None of us are completely right. None of us have all the answers. None of us can be the one true ring. But together, with all of our many lens and frames and experiences and beliefs, we create this kaleidoscope of humanity that is truly something to see, something to embrace, something to learn from.

So next time you’re feeling particularly sure about an ugly pair of glasses, maybe take a moment, practice the pause, and see what other options life has in store. You just might find the wayfarers you always dreamed of.

As a kid, I loved those stupid glasses with the bright frames and huge lens. Looking back, as an adult, I completely hate them. But that’s the beauty of growing up, we can change our minds, we can be better people, and we can learn to fully love ourselves. Freckles and all.