When I was younger, I always tried to be prepared for anything life might throw my way. I liked to at least feel like I had some kind of control over the things that happened throughout the day. I would stalk my former supervisors’ calendars trying to predict events that I might have to speak at or things I needed to be ready for. I would set my own daily schedule in neat blocks of time, so I would know what I would be doing and when I would be doing it.
You might have called me obsessive. Or a control freak. Definitely a worrier.
I’m older now, and life hasn’t been this way for me for quite some time. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still an obsessive control freak who worries a lot. But life is no longer predictable. It’s no longer controllable. Throughout my day, I have constant distractions and new problems to tackle, almost to the extent that, if a day goes by uneventfully now, I almost feel bored. But hopefully the universe doesn’t hear me say that.
What I’ve learned as I’ve grown into a more mature and adaptable woman is that life isn’t predictable. You can’t be prepared for all the things. As much as you’d like to be.
Right now, my life is about as chaotic and unpredictable as it’s been in awhile. I don’t know what the next day holds, and there are a lot of things that are up in the air and worrisome. I feel out of control and a bit discombobulated. But in the midst of the chaos, I have learned to look for my calm.
Calm for me is coming home from a great event at work and cleaning house, organizing the mess that comes from living.
Calm for me is working on loving myself more and minimizing my self-deprecating tendencies. Yesterday, I told my boss, “everything that is bad and stressful today is happening because of me.” I said those words. About myself. This morning I almost apologized to my husband for crying over a couple of stressful health situations going on with my family and my friend.
Both of these trigger reactions are one unhealthy ways I have been coping with stress. And today, I made a conscious effort to limit this behavior.
Instead of apologizing to my husband, I kept crying until I felt better. And first thing this morning, I texted my boss and told him that I shouldn’t have ever blamed myself for stressful things in the office, and, just to be a little more self-loving, I bragged on myself to him.
Calm for me is getting better even when I feel at my worse. And every day, despite what I sometimes tell myself, I am getting better.
Life is messy right now. And the next few months are likely to be messy as well. But instead of trying to control the mess, I’m going to live the principles I’ve read in the book my dear friend Anna and I recently read together, No Mud No Lotus. The theme of this little but powerful book is that without suffering and adversity there would be no happiness and light. In the midst of the struggle is often where we find the beauty.
And today, I am going to embrace both the beauty and the chaos.
You might have called me obsessive. Or a control freak. Definitely a worrier.
I’m older now, and life hasn’t been this way for me for quite some time. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still an obsessive control freak who worries a lot. But life is no longer predictable. It’s no longer controllable. Throughout my day, I have constant distractions and new problems to tackle, almost to the extent that, if a day goes by uneventfully now, I almost feel bored. But hopefully the universe doesn’t hear me say that.
What I’ve learned as I’ve grown into a more mature and adaptable woman is that life isn’t predictable. You can’t be prepared for all the things. As much as you’d like to be.
Right now, my life is about as chaotic and unpredictable as it’s been in awhile. I don’t know what the next day holds, and there are a lot of things that are up in the air and worrisome. I feel out of control and a bit discombobulated. But in the midst of the chaos, I have learned to look for my calm.
Calm for me is coming home from a great event at work and cleaning house, organizing the mess that comes from living.
Calm for me is working on loving myself more and minimizing my self-deprecating tendencies. Yesterday, I told my boss, “everything that is bad and stressful today is happening because of me.” I said those words. About myself. This morning I almost apologized to my husband for crying over a couple of stressful health situations going on with my family and my friend.
Both of these trigger reactions are one unhealthy ways I have been coping with stress. And today, I made a conscious effort to limit this behavior.
Instead of apologizing to my husband, I kept crying until I felt better. And first thing this morning, I texted my boss and told him that I shouldn’t have ever blamed myself for stressful things in the office, and, just to be a little more self-loving, I bragged on myself to him.
Calm for me is getting better even when I feel at my worse. And every day, despite what I sometimes tell myself, I am getting better.
Life is messy right now. And the next few months are likely to be messy as well. But instead of trying to control the mess, I’m going to live the principles I’ve read in the book my dear friend Anna and I recently read together, No Mud No Lotus. The theme of this little but powerful book is that without suffering and adversity there would be no happiness and light. In the midst of the struggle is often where we find the beauty.
And today, I am going to embrace both the beauty and the chaos.
