So, the baby question has been one that has come up frequently lately. My husband and I have been married for over three years now, and I can't help but feel that everyone is expecting us to be expecting. Many of my friends have already had babies and are now working on growing their small families, and yet, here I sit, completely content with spending my days with Jeremy, my fur-babies, and my writing. Is something wrong with me? Is it horrible that I cringe every time the baby question comes up?
Don't get me wrong. I think we want a family; although neither of us are completely sold on the idea quite yet. We're both a little selfish at this point, and I just don't think we're quite ready. Of course, when I say we're not ready, I get this response: "Well, if you wait until you're ready, you'll never have kids!" Ugh. Look, I get it. I get your point, and I totally know where you're coming from. But, this isn't some blanket answer you can use for everyone in this situation. Every couple in this world is unique, and the time sometimes really isn't quite right. It's not an excuse; it's just a fact. And by the way, I'm only 27 (about to be 28, yeah whatever), so we still have time. Right?!?
I'll be honest. Babies have been on my mind a lot lately. My nephew (my sister's first child) is about to turn two. My cousin's toddler is already almost two and a half. My husband's sister's beautiful baby girl is just a few months old. One of my friends from work just had her second little boy, and one of my other closest and dearest friends just announced that she and her sweet husband are pregnant. And I'm completely overjoyed by all of this baby love. It's a beautiful thing! Especially getting to spend time with my nephew and cousin's toddler. They both have such wonderful and unique little personalities, and it's so fun to watch them grow and become themselves. I can only imagine how beautiful it would be to watch our own children grow each and every day.
But the baby question still stands and still goes unanswered. For every moment that I feel like, YES, let's have a baby, there's another moment where fear and selfishness take over and leave me feeling unsure and lost. And Jeremy provides no direction as he seems to feel the exact same way.
Our babysitting stints lately have done nothing to make the answer any clearer for us. So many moments are beautiful: walking in the backyard, my nephew's tiny hand gripping my finger, his sweet voice giggling as we tickle his sides and feet, a goodnight hug and wave as his mama carries him off to bed. And in those moments, the desire for a baby rises up in me so quickly that I can hardly stand it. Then he looks up at me and says, quite bullheadedly, "No! No! No!" And I remember that he's on the verge of the terrible twos and probably has a poopy diaper and likes to watch Barney OVER and OVER and OVER again, and then I'm just not so sure.
I keep wondering and waiting for that defining moment when I know that I'm meant to be a mother, that we're ready to begin this adventure, but it just never comes. When will it come? And how have other people known that the time was right, that such a life-changing decision was right? I realize these are questions we've all asked ourselves, and I realize that my feelings are probably quite normal. But this is the stuff I think about when babies come up, and in an effort to better understand those thoughts myself, I thought I'd write them here.
Just keep this in mind the next time you ask someone the baby question; remember that the response may not be the easiest one in the world to give.
Don't get me wrong. I think we want a family; although neither of us are completely sold on the idea quite yet. We're both a little selfish at this point, and I just don't think we're quite ready. Of course, when I say we're not ready, I get this response: "Well, if you wait until you're ready, you'll never have kids!" Ugh. Look, I get it. I get your point, and I totally know where you're coming from. But, this isn't some blanket answer you can use for everyone in this situation. Every couple in this world is unique, and the time sometimes really isn't quite right. It's not an excuse; it's just a fact. And by the way, I'm only 27 (about to be 28, yeah whatever), so we still have time. Right?!?
I'll be honest. Babies have been on my mind a lot lately. My nephew (my sister's first child) is about to turn two. My cousin's toddler is already almost two and a half. My husband's sister's beautiful baby girl is just a few months old. One of my friends from work just had her second little boy, and one of my other closest and dearest friends just announced that she and her sweet husband are pregnant. And I'm completely overjoyed by all of this baby love. It's a beautiful thing! Especially getting to spend time with my nephew and cousin's toddler. They both have such wonderful and unique little personalities, and it's so fun to watch them grow and become themselves. I can only imagine how beautiful it would be to watch our own children grow each and every day.
But the baby question still stands and still goes unanswered. For every moment that I feel like, YES, let's have a baby, there's another moment where fear and selfishness take over and leave me feeling unsure and lost. And Jeremy provides no direction as he seems to feel the exact same way.
Our babysitting stints lately have done nothing to make the answer any clearer for us. So many moments are beautiful: walking in the backyard, my nephew's tiny hand gripping my finger, his sweet voice giggling as we tickle his sides and feet, a goodnight hug and wave as his mama carries him off to bed. And in those moments, the desire for a baby rises up in me so quickly that I can hardly stand it. Then he looks up at me and says, quite bullheadedly, "No! No! No!" And I remember that he's on the verge of the terrible twos and probably has a poopy diaper and likes to watch Barney OVER and OVER and OVER again, and then I'm just not so sure.
I keep wondering and waiting for that defining moment when I know that I'm meant to be a mother, that we're ready to begin this adventure, but it just never comes. When will it come? And how have other people known that the time was right, that such a life-changing decision was right? I realize these are questions we've all asked ourselves, and I realize that my feelings are probably quite normal. But this is the stuff I think about when babies come up, and in an effort to better understand those thoughts myself, I thought I'd write them here.
Just keep this in mind the next time you ask someone the baby question; remember that the response may not be the easiest one in the world to give.
The biggest mistake you could make would be to rush into having kids! If you want them then you will know when the timing is right. I didn't want kids until my 30's and it was just a feeling that you get. So many people don't want kids and have them anyway and then who suffers! mostly the kid!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ross. I agree completely! Rushing into having kids would be a HUGE mistake for us, which is why we're taking our sweet time :)
ReplyDeleteJust because everyone else wants you to have kids now, doesn't mean you have to. You guys are smart to wait until you are ready.
ReplyDeleteNext time everyone tells you that "all your friends are having kids, you should too.' Tell them, if all my friends jump off a bridge, should I do that too?
Hey! Stopping by from FTLOB. You still have plenty of time to have kids!! I'm 29, and so many of my friends back home have already had two or three kids. I think because my mom didn't have my sister or I until after she was 30, I never really felt rushed to have kids in my twenties. :)
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